原来永远并不远

躺在床上被人推着的感觉真的不好受,而且还要被推入一个冷寒严谨的地方。里面的气氛和环境真的糟糕到透顶,可能是每个被推进的人,都怀着悲观的态度,所以导致这里死气沉沉。哒一声一个大飞碟里有三个月亮照耀在我的身上,我慢慢看不清眼前的事物,渐渐三个月亮变成九个太阳。

我听见叮叮当当的不锈钢碰撞声,嘀~~~嘀有规律的仪器声,医生和护士的协调声。这里就是手术室,我嗅觉和听觉开始衰落,然后眼睛连一丝光线都盼不到,从此活在黑暗中。

 

我一出生就有先天性心脏病,医生说是法洛氏四联症,我要动一个复杂的心脏病手术,但在医学界里我这病是复杂心脏手术中最简单的一个,之前已有很多这手术成功的例子。说到这里我也有点困惑,这就是医生在手术前向我的解说。


 

突然我全身感觉一身冰冷,我睁开眼睛看见,面前有个穿着黑色唐装,头发中间分界梳的整整齐齐腊油多到反光的消瘦男人,他手里一边摇晃着一个水桶,一边哼着泼水歌的调子。

我大声呼叫:“喂,你干嘛用水泼我。”

“泼醒你叫你去投胎咯!”他跳起舞步说。

“你妈的,我还活生生在这,投什么什么”我陡然语塞了起来。

 

望向四周,只见被烟雾团团包围着我们两。我有点泄气,大概感觉到身在何处。我没有太过悲伤,可能这世界根本没什么值得我留恋,所以我只是呆滞了一分钟。

“你是黑白无常?”我站起来问道。

“我这一身黑look,你认为还会是谁?”黑无常说。

“唉~我现在要去投胎吗?”我叹气说。

“嗯跟我来。”


 

黑无常拉着我的左手穿过重重烟雾下,我朦朦胧胧来到了一个柜台前。

他从柜台拿了个密麻麻的纸给我:“填好这个,交给我。”

我看见这张纸上有好多条问题,令我奇怪万分。第一道问题竟然是问我这一生人对谁说话最大声?这是什么烂问题!


我用疑惑的眼神:“这里不是知道我们生前,所做过的东西吗?为什么还要我们像填资料那样填。”

黑无常解释道:“噢我们是很忙碌的,有些事情我们想知道,但又懒惰去翻阅你的过往。所以就这样比较方便我们办事。”

我傻了眼,无奈摇了个头。

“记得别不诚实的填,我们知道后,会秋后算账。”黑无常忠告。

 

我乖乖的在第一道问题填上义父的名字,我是个孤儿,从小由义父抚养成人。有时心情不好,总会对他老人家语气大声,回想起真的内疚。

第二道问题是,我有几久没和身边的人说我爱你?

我填上“从来没说过”,下笔时有一种很重很重的感觉,重到击垮我的良知。

第三道问题是,你对这世界有什么抱负?

又是一道难倒我的问题,我填上“希望世界和平”。

这算撒谎吗?我从来就没做过对和平有贡献的东西。


 

很快我就填完所有问题,二十多到问题,只用了三分钟时间击倒。所答案都是围绕着没有,没希望,没想过等等。填完后有一种很沮丧加忏悔的感觉,好像说明我活在这世上没有意义一样。

 

“填完了。”我有气无力地说。

黑无常接过道:“好,距离去报告还有点时间。我带你去回忆门。”

我又搔破头皮跟随着他。


 

路途上烟雾渐渐散开,呈现出一条暗巷,前方黑又窄,两边墙高至黑黝黝的天空,我们不断的向黑暗处前进。走了五分钟的路程,前方无路可走了,有一扇大门屹立在前。一个古旧的大木门,门把上有两个狮头,狮头口里有两个大环。

 

黑无常说:“这门可以让你观看从前的往事,或看看你想要看的人现在的处境。”

我犹豫思索了一会。

黑无常看穿我的渴望道:“不可以看未来的事情,这样是泄露天机。你想看谁,想看过去或现在?要快了,时间无多。”

义父在孤儿院做守卫员多年,他应该可以在孤儿院安心度过以后的日子。我的离开,义父在医院内一定很伤心,我不想看令我心酸的这一幕。只希望他老人家能够快点重现笑容,说回来现在真的没什么值得看。

 

我想了好一会:“我想回顾从前,中一的时候。”

黑无常拉起两个铁环,木门被打开,一阵强风迎面而来。随即强光一道,令我双眼刺痛。

睁开双眼时,门里呈现出我中一上课第一天的时候。我站在门框外观赏,就像在戏院看着超大的银幕。


 

中一的我一副懦弱的样子,理了一个和尚头。

“你相不相信一见钟情?”我望向黑无常。

他一副正经地道:“我相信,我通常看见那些AV女优都对她们一见钟情。”

我又傻了眼,怎么地府会有一个古怪透顶的使者!

 

我回过头来,期待着即将出现在银幕上的女主角。

 

中一的我坐在一旁低着头,陆陆续续有很多学生进入我这个精英班,等待着班主任的到来。

 

当有人喊起立时,我像失了魂的鱼站起来时,不小心撞碰桌子导致笨重的汽水瓶水壶向前倾倒。

“砰”一声全班的眼光扫射过来,前座有个短发女孩为我捡起,向我嫣然微笑。这个微笑很甜,可是就让我苦到如今。


“时间无多,我帮你
skip快点。”黑无常说道,画面就飞快的闪过。

之后我经常留意她的一举一动。就这样我糊里糊涂的度过中一。

 

来到中二我理所当然的和她同一班,这一年是她第一次牵我的手,也是唯一的一次。

我看着这段优美的情境。

学校举行一年一度的运动会,我有心脏病当然没法去参赛,在一旁纳闷的做资料记录者。

“喂,你在这里发白日梦啊!”一个我熟悉的声音从背后转来。

“佳慈,是你。”我转身道。

“你在这里不闷吗?不如跟我去拉拉队那里趁热闹。”

“嗯”我在犹豫中。

“别想这么多啦!田径项目就来要开始了,我要为2B班的飞人K打气。”她陡然拉起我右手向前走。

我发梦也没想到会有这一刻,被她的小手拉着,我心跳加速。可能就是因为这心跳加速,身体不争气,突然心口闭闷起来,绞痛的令我倒在地上。我看着她惊慌的表情,实在不好受。

 

黑无常在旁狂笑起来:“哇噻!给女子拖下手就心脏病发,哇哈哈哈哈哈哈!”

我向黑无常苦笑:“那滋味真的不好受。”

那次我也不知道什么事情导致心脏病发,后来送去医院后没什么大碍。但是不知那个粉肠当日目睹到整个过程,从此我在学校被当成“女人勿近”的怪物。

 

画面切换到中三。

中三是读书年,毫无意外我也是和她同一班。可是这一年起初对我来说是酸溜溜的,之后是正义必胜的一年。

 

这年她坐在东边我坐在西边,遥远的望着她,她座位旁是教室门口,门外的风景是一片绿茸茸的树林。我经常望着她认真听课的样子,所以也经常被老师骂我望着树林发白日梦。却经常有人破坏我美丽的画面,就是他身旁的那位K

 

K是优越生,为学校田径队拿下无数奖牌。

雄物天生对竞争的对手就有灵敏的嗅觉,K知道我是喜欢佳慈。

有一次,他走过来挑衅地说:“你这怪物,想再牵她的手,下世啦!和你说不久她将会是我的货。”

“好,我拭目以待。”我微笑。

K的恶劣人品,我听见不少。我决定化身正义超人,揭露他丑恶的一面。

 

我收到线报说K有个变态的癖好,就是喜欢用手机拍下女生的大腿。还好我心爱的人还不是受害者,我一定要先发制人,避免她受到丝毫的伤害。

 

K的手机上课时交给训导主任保管,放学时就约女子去走街行凶。我想了个法子要在训导主任那里取下他的手机。我和一个好友假装不做老师给的功课,然后就被送到训导主任的办公室。

kenapa tak buat kerja?”训导主任挥着藤鞭问道。

tangan saya tak nak buat,saya pun tak boleh control.”我道。

训导主任瞪大了眼,叫我站好姿势,藤鞭往我翘起的屁股强烈的吻下三次。我忍痛下来,站在一旁。轮到我的好友受罪,这位好友为我的牺牲,永记在心。

 

这位好友的演技真好,将来不去当演员会是演艺界一大损失。

cikgu tak mau pukul saya.CIKGU…CIKGU…”他边叫喊边往后退。

训导主任拼命挥着藤鞭叫他站好。

我趁机闪开来到训导主任的办公桌旁,伸手拉开抽屉,果然没有上锁。我一眼就看到K的那个周身花纹的电话。

 

拿了电话之后,花了几十块叫人把密码解开。不出我所料,里面果然有很多罪证,我凭着罪证威胁他转校。看到这里,是不是觉得我很奸?一个人如果做错事留下蛛丝马迹,给人揭露后永远处在下风。

 

画面飞去了中四。

中四是蜜月期,我觉得她又离我远一些。这整年我处在放肆的一年,而她就很努力地啃书。每当我在教室里玩到疯狂,看见她时就会有一种内疚的心情。顿时我会静下来,叫身边的猪朋狗友闭嘴。

 

“时辰就快到,快看完,就走。”黑无常催促。

 

画面飞逝的去到中五。

中五是我最甜蜜的一年,但又是最苦涩的一年。中四的成绩很烂,如果不是有几科目比较理想,我可能在这年不会和她同一班。而烂成绩也有好处,因为这成绩老师成就了我上课时坐在她的身边,有不明白之处,让她辅导我。

 

每日能够坐在她的身边是多么幸福,能够近距离看着她的侧面是多么的陶醉。这一年我很用心的读书,成绩也有所进步。一辛苦时,想起她的微笑,就可以将疲惫化为动力。

 

画面来到这一页,是我有一次没有经过她的同意之下偷偷拿了她的作业来抄袭。被她发现后,她生我的气,而我就固执起来竟然没有向她道歉。如果时光可倒流,我会立刻说一百遍对不起。可惜当时的我没有勇气。

 

我坐在她身边已经有三天没有和她说过半句话,她坚持是我的错,需要我道歉。我死要脸不肯认错道歉。

在这冷战下,有一次我无意中弄跌她的笔。

我下意识的把她捡起,说声:“对不起。”

“噢!你和道歉了!以前的事算了吧!”她莞尔。

“我不是那个意思。”

“我不理哦!道歉了,以前发生什么事我不记得了。”

就这样冷东解封,当时的我顽固被溶化了。我有点惭愧,做错事竟然不认错,还要她来解封这僵局。

 

大门画面来到了考完试后的那刻,我们各自和朋友道别后,有人欢呼振臂的冲出校门,而我们选择了缓慢的脚步走出教室,走出校门。这学校位于山坡上,要行走下去是一条斜坡路。我经常放学后偷偷跟随在后,在这条斜坡路上望着她缓步的背影,真是世界上最美的景象。

 

她说她要去国外深造读医学,我们所走的路是不同的。我知道走完这段斜坡路后,以后都没有机会再见到她。每次我都很想陪伴她走这段路,但每次我都没勇气站在她身边,直到今天最后一次的机会我都不敢。

 

“乐民,怕什么去追上她,和她说我爱你啦!”我在门框外呼喊着。

这是过去,结果我一早已经知道,但我还是激动起来。

黑无常:“看你这么激动,当时应该是错过机会现在后悔咯!”

“是,我是后悔,为什么我有这么多机会都没和她说清楚,到死了才后悔。我真没用。”我责怪着自己。

我越看眼泪越流,我不甘心,不甘心就此错过那些机会。

我嘶哑着:“我要改变剧情!”

我冲进门内,进入当年的景象里,飞奔向她的背影前进。

 

“傻仔,这样做也改变不到结局的。回来啊!再不去投胎,你会变成孤魂野鬼!”黑无常在门外狂喊道。

只要能给我说出埋葬在心中许久的话,要变成孤魂野鬼我也在所不辞。

我奔跑经过当年中五的我身边时,转头骂了一句:“大笨蛋!没用的家伙!”


 

渐渐我靠近她的背后,我伸手拍了一下她的肩膀。

出乎意料之外,她竟然会转身望向我。

我喘着气说:“我我其实一直都很喜欢你,很想永远坐你隔壁,很想永远陪你走这段路,很想你永远教我功课。”

她对着我微笑,她的笑容仿佛已经答应了我。

我高兴想抱紧她时,突然眼前朦胧,她的笑脸渐渐越飘越远。

我向前追呼喊:“不要离开我。”

慢慢眼睛没有了她的画面,只剩下一片白云,什么也看不见了。

 

这是孤魂野鬼的预兆?我看着这片,一片的白海。回想她的往事,心感到一点安慰。或许这样能够生生世世永远保存对她的记忆也是一种幸福。

要看happy ending 点击下面!

[#M_ more.. | less.. |

感觉有双温柔的手握着我的左手,朦朦胧胧看见有个穿着白色外袍的人,视线往上看见一副想念已久的脸孔。

“佳慈!是你,能够梦见你真好。”我自言。

“你醒来啦!你不是发梦,刚才你说的一切我全都听见了。”佳慈眼泛红望着我。

“你怎么会在这里,我我说过什么?”我有点迷惑。

“我是见习医生,刚才在医院里上课,刚好经过你的病房,听见你在叫我的名字。所以知道你在这里做手术。放心!你的手术很成功。”

我勉强微笑起来,我真的不是发梦?我没有死到?

佳慈关心道:“你觉得怎样,我去叫医生来。”

我握紧她的手:“有你在我身边就已足够。”

_M#]

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203 Responses to 原来永远并不远

  1. 阿游 says:

    我觉得。。。还是没有happy ending的结局好~

  2. 小雨点 says:

    我比较喜欢HAPPY ENDING的结局…
    因为爱情如果能圆满结束是很好的^^

  3. ykching says:

    哈哈 有两个比较明显的错字
    【秋】后算账
    时【辰】

    keke 中学的回忆很精彩~
    可是 哈哈哈 可惜 是短篇小说
    我还想看更多勒>.< happy ending到有点很==''' 哈哈哈 怎么会那么的刚好又巧合她是见习医生而又在那里出现的~XDXD 不过~ 哈哈哈哈 蛮好看的^^

  4. jenny04222 says:

    终于等到你的作品了,roman大哥。
    我比较喜欢看悲伤的结局。
    不过很好看,虽然不是很喜欢结局。
    加油XD

  5. jenny04222 says:

    哈哈。
    感觉你很有大哥的feel,就叫你大哥。
    那你认不认我这个妹妹啊?
    没有啊,我不喜欢看韩剧,除了花样男子。
    我只是觉得现实中并没有那么完美。
    对不对啊,大哥?

  6. doreencyl says:

    进步了,进步了~
    比上次的爱情小说好看。
    我喜欢那happy ending, 也很喜欢他变成孤魂。
    你觉得我是怎样的人?

    • roman says:

      谢谢…^^
      嗯…你是双重性格的人,
      因为喜欢悲伤然后又喜欢开心。
      哈哈哈!

      (以上是纯属胡说,不要相信。)

    • doreencyl says:

      我也这么认为。不过下次你写happy ending的时候,
      可不可以写好一点。
      可以令人看了,真的很开心的结局。
      你会写到吗?
      讲真的,你的happy ending已经不错了。
      刚才我又去看了一遍。
      终于给我挑到错误!太开心了!

      我握着她的手:“不用有你在我身边就已足够。”

      好像在赶她走的感觉。

    • roman says:

      要写出真的开心的结局,真的有点难度,
      好,我会尝试的。

      哇,原来你看我的小说是为了挑毛病,
      不过说真的好像真的是在赶她走哦!
      死咯!happy ending不happy了!
      我又要去修改了!哈哈…

      还是要多谢你… = =

    • doreencyl says:

      我看到yk那么专业,所以我也要专业一下。
      孺子可教也。

  7. 子木 says:

    老兄果然是写小说的~

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