什么世界?

手机信息铃声响起。


 


【你的Facebook email是什么?】一个自从中学毕业后,就从没见过面的朋友sms来。


 


我回复【我没有fb。哈哈哈!】


 


十分钟过去,三十分钟过去,一小时后,电话没有再响过。他竟然被我吓跑了,我拨一拨头发,有一种莫名其妙暗爽的感觉,感觉自己超有个性。



 


客厅里突然传来“啊~”的一声。


 


我冲出房间,看个究竟。


姐在客厅里对着电视机狂抓着头,喊道:“不公平!不公平!”


 


我顺着她的视线,看着电视机冷冷道:“什么事?”


“你的字头电话公司,现在有得通过信息更新twitter。超方便的咧!”


 


我耸了耸肩:“这功能对我没有什么用处。”


姐对着天花板,嘶哑道:“为什么我的电话公司,还没有这功能。”


 


“看来这功能的趋势,很快就会蔓延开来。”我安慰道。


“那几时才蔓延到你身上?”姐如厉鬼般望向我。


 


我笑道:“我是外星人来的。哈哈哈!”


随即转身踏入房里。


 


我躺在床上在想,如果这世界所有人都在玩fb,唯独我没有,不知会是一个怎么样的滋味。到时的感觉应该会是“众人皆醉我独醒”吧!


 


其实我不是耍个性,只是不知为什么没有兴趣去fb网站开个户口。想想下,有时觉得自己很落伍。想想下,有时觉得自己蛮独特。就这样我思维模糊,渐渐进入梦乡。


 


 


我听见吱吱哔哔,咋咋咯咯的声音在耳边徘徊着。


是什么声音?我不能分别。唯有勉力睁开惺忪的眼睛。


 


视线模糊地看见,有两颗貌似鸡蛋般的形状在眼前晃动着。


我定了一定眼睛,看见两颗鸡蛋上,有生如蜗牛般的触角。


 


我用力睁大眼睛,看个清楚。


 


“啊~~~~~~~~


 


右手边的一颗鸡蛋说:“他会说话的。”


左手边的一颗鸡蛋道:“他是人类当然会说话。”



 


这时我头脑很清晰告诉我,这两颗不是鸡蛋,是外星人。想到此处我立刻想挣扎起来,但竟然弹动不得,倾斜浮在半空。


 


这头部貌似鸡蛋般的外星人,头上有两个触角,生有一双又圆又黑的眼睛。鼻子,嘴巴和耳朵都莫名其妙地没了。他的身体如人类般,有纤纤的手臂却没有手掌,有纤纤的小腿却没有脚板。


他们全身肤色都是灰灰,不像电影中的外星人会发绿色的夜光。


 


我想竭斯底里再喊一次,但很奇异地,我发不出声量。两个外星人好像封闭了我的哑穴,令我想说上一句“欢迎来到被污染的地球。”都不可。



 


我向四周扫射了一眼,四周都是一箱箱的大铁盒,铁盒上有不同颜色的按钮和灯泡,有些灯泡还闪亮着。形成了一副七彩缤纷的星空。


 


右边的外星人伸出没有手掌的手,截了我的肚脐一下。


死了,他不会是放个卫星在我肚脐内吧!然后抛我回地球,让我做他们的卧底?


 


左边外星人,触角晃了一下,说出一口流利的华语:“放心我们不会伤害你,只想简单问你几道问题。你只需点头或摇头罢了。”


 


我全身颤抖着,点点头。


 


右边外星人道:“你有facebook吗?”


我眼睛差点突爆而出,facebook竟然hit到外星人都知道。


 


我缓缓扭动着脖子,示意“没有”。


到左边的外星人发问:“你有twiiter吗?”


 


又是一道荒唐至极的问题。


我依样画葫芦,摇摇头。


 


又轮到右边外星人发问:“你有试过恐吓别人吗?”


“没有!”我惊讶地,竟然能够发出声量。


 


左边外星人接着道:“你有离家出走过吗?”


我提高声量道:“干你妈!没有!!”


 


右边的继续车轮战道:“你试过婚前性行为没有?”


“你老爸!没有!”我愤怒道。


 


左边:“你有部落格吗?”


fuck!有。”


 


右边:“你自拍过裸照吗?”


“没有。”


 


左边:“你要试过超速吗?”


“没有,连驾驶执照都没有,怎样超速!”


 


右边:“你有乱丢垃圾吗?”


“偶尔。”


 


左边右边,左边右边,左边右边,左边右边,左边右边……



没有,没有,有,没有没有!没有没有没有没有没有
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 




经过一番的问答车轮战后,他们停止发问了,我已经疲惫不堪了。


 


右边的外星人目无表情道:“很明显,他不是地球人。”


左边的外星人好像皱了一皱眉头:“你不给他,刚才说谎骗我们?你知道地球人,有一句话是说谎如吃生菜。”


 


我插口道:“是发誓当吃生菜。”


左边的外星人耸耸肩:“都是同一个意思。”


右边的外星人摇摇头:“他不可能说谎,刚才我点了他一下肚脐,放了一条蛔虫进他大肠,只要他一说谎就会肚子痛。”


 


我大喊一声:“你们好毒。”


右边外星人道:“人类还更毒,为了研究其它生物酱它们剖解,也在所不辞。比起我们只放一条蛔虫,已是小儿科了。”


左边外星人:“但凭刚才那些问题就能证明他不是地球人吗?”


 


右边:“刚才那些问题,是我近年在地球上收集回来的地球人特征。但刚才他的答案有82%是没有,有的只占了18%。如果他真是地球人,没有的巴仙不会超过80。”


 


左边:“但他的确是从地球上吸来的!”


右边:“地球上还有很多生物,但很肯定他不是低等动物———人类。”


 


左边:“那我们放他回去吧!”


右边:“嗯。”



 


我听见了后,窃喜满分,终于能脱离外星人的魔掌了。


左边的外星人鞠躬道:“不好意思,打扰了。”


 


我苦笑道:“不必客气,请你拿回我肚里那条……


 


“啊~~~~~~~~~~~”我突然眼前一黑,身体不停往下坠。如跌入万丈深谷中。


 


 


“砰!哎呀~~~”我感觉地球好像失去了平衡,整个人倾向右下角。我惊慌中跳起身来一看,原来右下角的床脚已被我不重的身躯压断了。


 


我莫名其妙起来,努力重新整顿我的思绪。回想起昨天的怪事,不对!是怪梦。但为何床脚会断了?嗯……对了!一定是我在那怪梦里,跌入黑暗中时,害怕到弹了起来,然后跌回在床上,导致床脚承受不住断了。


 


正当我想扛起床来,在断脚处,垫个哑铃时。突然肚子痛的出乎难以形容,我飞奔跑去厕所。


肚子里感觉有千军万马,隆隆隆地冲向我方的城门。而我方的城门如同布景板,一戳即破。千军万马一发不可收拾,直捣入城内,居民房子被蹂躏的体无完肤。


 


我低头望向跨下,马桶的清泉已被黄河覆盖,黄河水面渐渐浮上一条如食指般大小的生存者。这生存者样貌奇特,不像黄河地下生物的同类。它的身躯乳白色一节接一节,比较圆滑的一端,应该是头部,头部上我隐约可以见到正在蠕动的触角……


This entry was posted in 都恐小说 and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

339 Responses to 什么世界?

  1. 淑雯 says:

    哈哈,有意思,有意思。

    我对FB也没有兴趣,但我有FB,因为朋友都在那儿了。

  2. 月亮 says:

    最后一段才是重点。。。。==

  3. 紫娃 says:

    hahhhah..你肚子生蛔虫了

  4. doreencyl says:

    你写这篇小说,是为了暗示你不是人类吗?XD
    其实,什么是twitter?

    这是个很搞笑的科幻小说。我蛮喜欢你写的这篇。

    • roman says:

      我没有暗示我不是人类,我也是人类,
      也是有打dota的。XD

      twitter是什么,我也不太清楚。
      只知道是个给你写几行字,表达当时心情的平台。

      谢谢你的喜欢。:)

  5. 天使 says:

    哈哈…炸到的感觉…

  6. 咖喱鱼丸 says:

    你是想说你比我们这些玩FB的“普通地球人”特别是吗???

    你。真。自。恋

    (终于可以说别人了,哇哈哈哈哈!!!)

    • roman says:

      我没有酱的意思。
      这是小说,故事里绝对没有“影射”我本人。
      绝对没有,鱼丸哥你要相信我,绝对没有!

      你要相信我,你要相信我~~~~~~~~
      (哈哈哈哈!傻了。)

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